MY TRAUMA EXPERENCE - THE TRIPLE THREAT
For me, my trauma came packaged in several different ways over time. I was raped when I was 16 years old. But I do not talk about that much because there was no justice. I married a man who struggled to hold a job and infidelity played a huge role in my dismay. I brought two wonderful children in this world, and they witnessed all the ups and downs in the marriage. My focus became my children and the traumatic experience with the rape stayed hidden in a dark place deep in my mind. I only experienced occasional triggers, such as those times while working at a grocery store when I had to handle a box knife. The box knife was creepy, since that was the weapon of choice for the rapist.
The trauma of my rape did resurface intensely when my 6-year-old daughter was molested by a family friend. There also was no justice in that case as I was informed that my daughter was too young to speak in court, plus they had no solid evidence. So, as her mother another traumatic event unfolds, and anger started to surface with marital fights and emotional disconnect. I found some peace when I decided to attend church and received the love and support from others. The trauma still pulled at my emotions occasionally and I never really knew that I had a problem dealing with these traumatic events. I felt it was normal to go through these types of emotions and eventually my troubles would subside, and life would be normal again. Normal? What is normal? What is the meaning of a normal person? My normal state of mind at that time was unpredictable and on edge.
The past traumatic experiences did change me in such a way that I felt stronger, however I was very selective of who I introduced into my life. My trust in others was difficult to discover and the love I had for my children’s father faded away. I became easily angered and moments of depression would set in, and I would silently cocoon myself into a dark place. In my mind It was like taking long walks enjoying nature and the scenery. Each step reminded me that I had to continue to move forward and not look back. There would be those days during that walk that I would slip into a deep black hole that appeared out of nowhere. This is what my depression would look like, a deep dark space with just a little bit of light above my head. There was no ladder so I could climb out, there was no helping hand to pull me up because the hole was too deep. I would scream “help” in this dark place, but no one could hear me. The only way out was to build my own ladder. Each step up became a reminder that I can make it, I am strong, I am a fighter, and I am willing to choose my best life.
Once my children became young teenagers, I felt they were old enough to handle my decision to divorce their father and live a better life in 1994. I was very wrong in thinking I would have their support. The fighting was now a family matter, and my daughter especially was very angry with me.
It was February 1995, while living with her father for a short time, my daughter was murdered, and my life now took on a whole different turn. I experienced not only the grief of losing a child, but I also was faced with countless disappointments from investigators on the case for over a decade. My emotional struggles mounted on top of each other. I recall daily struggles just to get out of bed and go to work. But I had to avoid that dark hole and pretend to be as human as everyone else seemed to be around me. To act as if I was living and giving the impression that I was OK, is better than being at the bottom of that hole and letting life pass me by. The emotions of sorrow, grief, anger, fear, horror, regrets, desperation, sadness, utter despair… and the list goes on, was shifting my emotions daily. Hell, I don't even know how I managed to cope with everyday life. I basically walked around for years with a whirlpool of shit building up in a stagnate place deep inside my mind. To live in a numb state of mind was easier than expressing the pain of everything.
After a year had passed since losing my daughter, I knew I needed help and realized that therapy was my only option. My own family dealt with their own grief after the loss of my daughter, so that support was not available to me. My son needed a mother who could cope and be there for him emotionally. Joan Dalton Boyd, my therapist, gave me the necessary tools to help me with my past and current trauma. The key to these tools given to me, were that I had to make the mindful changes in my own life and be conscious of my daily emotions, thoughts, and actions. It was not always easy, and it took me a decade to figure out how to live a healthy, happy, and hopeful life, but I did it!
After 26 years, I finally received the justice I so desperately sought, and my daughter can now rest in peace while her killer spends his life in prison. My purpose now is to help others through my personal experiences with trauma and provide a justice system guide for victims of crime. I also will provide tools for our courts to identify necessary changes they can implement, enforce the rights of victims and make changes towards a more fair and just system for all.
Love, Peace and Hope to All
Gina's Mom
The trauma of my rape did resurface intensely when my 6-year-old daughter was molested by a family friend. There also was no justice in that case as I was informed that my daughter was too young to speak in court, plus they had no solid evidence. So, as her mother another traumatic event unfolds, and anger started to surface with marital fights and emotional disconnect. I found some peace when I decided to attend church and received the love and support from others. The trauma still pulled at my emotions occasionally and I never really knew that I had a problem dealing with these traumatic events. I felt it was normal to go through these types of emotions and eventually my troubles would subside, and life would be normal again. Normal? What is normal? What is the meaning of a normal person? My normal state of mind at that time was unpredictable and on edge.
The past traumatic experiences did change me in such a way that I felt stronger, however I was very selective of who I introduced into my life. My trust in others was difficult to discover and the love I had for my children’s father faded away. I became easily angered and moments of depression would set in, and I would silently cocoon myself into a dark place. In my mind It was like taking long walks enjoying nature and the scenery. Each step reminded me that I had to continue to move forward and not look back. There would be those days during that walk that I would slip into a deep black hole that appeared out of nowhere. This is what my depression would look like, a deep dark space with just a little bit of light above my head. There was no ladder so I could climb out, there was no helping hand to pull me up because the hole was too deep. I would scream “help” in this dark place, but no one could hear me. The only way out was to build my own ladder. Each step up became a reminder that I can make it, I am strong, I am a fighter, and I am willing to choose my best life.
Once my children became young teenagers, I felt they were old enough to handle my decision to divorce their father and live a better life in 1994. I was very wrong in thinking I would have their support. The fighting was now a family matter, and my daughter especially was very angry with me.
It was February 1995, while living with her father for a short time, my daughter was murdered, and my life now took on a whole different turn. I experienced not only the grief of losing a child, but I also was faced with countless disappointments from investigators on the case for over a decade. My emotional struggles mounted on top of each other. I recall daily struggles just to get out of bed and go to work. But I had to avoid that dark hole and pretend to be as human as everyone else seemed to be around me. To act as if I was living and giving the impression that I was OK, is better than being at the bottom of that hole and letting life pass me by. The emotions of sorrow, grief, anger, fear, horror, regrets, desperation, sadness, utter despair… and the list goes on, was shifting my emotions daily. Hell, I don't even know how I managed to cope with everyday life. I basically walked around for years with a whirlpool of shit building up in a stagnate place deep inside my mind. To live in a numb state of mind was easier than expressing the pain of everything.
After a year had passed since losing my daughter, I knew I needed help and realized that therapy was my only option. My own family dealt with their own grief after the loss of my daughter, so that support was not available to me. My son needed a mother who could cope and be there for him emotionally. Joan Dalton Boyd, my therapist, gave me the necessary tools to help me with my past and current trauma. The key to these tools given to me, were that I had to make the mindful changes in my own life and be conscious of my daily emotions, thoughts, and actions. It was not always easy, and it took me a decade to figure out how to live a healthy, happy, and hopeful life, but I did it!
After 26 years, I finally received the justice I so desperately sought, and my daughter can now rest in peace while her killer spends his life in prison. My purpose now is to help others through my personal experiences with trauma and provide a justice system guide for victims of crime. I also will provide tools for our courts to identify necessary changes they can implement, enforce the rights of victims and make changes towards a more fair and just system for all.
Love, Peace and Hope to All
Gina's Mom
THE FORGOTTEN - THE INMATE
Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing event that has long-lasting effects on an individual's mental, emotional, and physical well-being. A single event, such as a car accident or a natural disaster, or prolonged exposure to traumatic circumstances, such as abuse, crime, or combat can cause it. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and, most notably, crime.
The prevalence rate of individuals who have experienced trauma and go on to commit crimes varies depending on the population and type of trauma being considered. However, research has shown that there is a strong link between trauma and criminal behavior.
A study by the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (NCPTSD) found that individuals who have experienced childhood trauma, such as physical or sexual abuse, are at a higher risk of involvement in the criminal justice system. The study found that up to 90 percent of men and women in state and federal prisons have a history of trauma (includes childhood trauma), compared to 60 percent of the general population.
Research also suggests that individuals who have experienced trauma, particularly in childhood, are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, including criminal behavior, as a way of coping with the trauma. Additionally, trauma can lead to the development of mental health conditions such as PTSD, which can contribute to criminal behavior.
A large proportion of men and women who are incarcerated in jails and prisons have experienced trauma and the rate of PTSD is higher within these populations than in the general population. In addition, correctional facilities may trigger PTSD symptoms and contribute to re-traumatization when their policies, practices, and procedures are not trauma informed. Correctional officials can work to minimize these effects and properly address trauma among incarcerated individuals by screening and treating PTSD within their populations.
It's important to note that not every individual who has been traumatized will go on to commit crimes, and not every criminal has a history of trauma. A resilient community responds to the victims' needs to reduce the crime's impact. Understanding the link between trauma and criminal behavior can inform the development of more effective and compassionate interventions for individuals who have been traumatized and involved in the criminal justice system.
The Current System
The current criminal justice system can be retraumatizing to individuals who have experienced trauma in a number of ways. Some examples include:
Additional studies and research are needed to build a stronger understanding of how effective trauma treatments being used outside of prison walls might be adapted to meet the needs of those who are incarcerated or released. In addition to helping incarcerated individuals cope with and heal from trauma, research suggests that trauma-informed PTSD programs may reduce incarceration rates by helping to alleviate symptoms that can lead to criminality and recidivism. Correctional facilities that adapt to the unique needs of incarcerated individuals can foster both individual mental health and healing and public safety.
The prevalence rate of individuals who have experienced trauma and go on to commit crimes varies depending on the population and type of trauma being considered. However, research has shown that there is a strong link between trauma and criminal behavior.
A study by the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (NCPTSD) found that individuals who have experienced childhood trauma, such as physical or sexual abuse, are at a higher risk of involvement in the criminal justice system. The study found that up to 90 percent of men and women in state and federal prisons have a history of trauma (includes childhood trauma), compared to 60 percent of the general population.
Research also suggests that individuals who have experienced trauma, particularly in childhood, are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, including criminal behavior, as a way of coping with the trauma. Additionally, trauma can lead to the development of mental health conditions such as PTSD, which can contribute to criminal behavior.
A large proportion of men and women who are incarcerated in jails and prisons have experienced trauma and the rate of PTSD is higher within these populations than in the general population. In addition, correctional facilities may trigger PTSD symptoms and contribute to re-traumatization when their policies, practices, and procedures are not trauma informed. Correctional officials can work to minimize these effects and properly address trauma among incarcerated individuals by screening and treating PTSD within their populations.
It's important to note that not every individual who has been traumatized will go on to commit crimes, and not every criminal has a history of trauma. A resilient community responds to the victims' needs to reduce the crime's impact. Understanding the link between trauma and criminal behavior can inform the development of more effective and compassionate interventions for individuals who have been traumatized and involved in the criminal justice system.
The Current System
The current criminal justice system can be retraumatizing to individuals who have experienced trauma in a number of ways. Some examples include:
- Re-victimization: The process of reporting a crime, going through a trial, and facing the offender can be re-traumatizing for the victim, especially if they are not provided with appropriate support and resources.
- Lack of sensitivity: Many criminal justice professionals may not be trained to recognize the signs and symptoms of trauma and may not understand the impact their words or actions can have on a trauma survivor.
- Re-traumatization during incarceration: Prisons and jails can be high-stress environments that can trigger memories and feelings of past traumatic experiences for individuals who have been incarcerated.
- Inadequate mental health care: Individuals with trauma-related mental health conditions may not receive appropriate care while in the criminal justice system, leading to an increased likelihood of reoffending and perpetuation of their trauma.
- Stigma: Trauma survivors may be stigmatized by criminal justice professionals, which can further compound the feelings of shame, guilt, and isolation they may already be experiencing.
Additional studies and research are needed to build a stronger understanding of how effective trauma treatments being used outside of prison walls might be adapted to meet the needs of those who are incarcerated or released. In addition to helping incarcerated individuals cope with and heal from trauma, research suggests that trauma-informed PTSD programs may reduce incarceration rates by helping to alleviate symptoms that can lead to criminality and recidivism. Correctional facilities that adapt to the unique needs of incarcerated individuals can foster both individual mental health and healing and public safety.
FREE 3-PART WEBINAR FOR CRIMINAL JUSTICE PROFESSIONALS - ***CLICK LINK BELOW***
Trauma REBOOT is a 12-week (meet once a week), faith-based, peer-led course empowering everyday people to overcome trauma and embrace a brighter future. Through practical teaching and a supportive community, Trauma REBOOT can help you break free from the pain of your past and find renewed purpose and strength.
Trauma is an emotional, psychological, and physical response to a distressing event. Trauma, just like a deep cut, takes time to heal and recovery from trauma is possible with time and treatment. One doesn’t overcome it without discovering what it was. Trauma could have occurred as a child and repressed into adulthood. It’s important to remember that ignoring or avoiding symptoms of trauma is not healthy. It's ok to ask for help at any time, including if you're not sure if you've experienced trauma. As tempting as it may be to try to ignore or forget a traumatic event, a key ingredient in recovery is learning to be OK with your memories of it and the things that trigger them without trying to avoid them. Facing your feelings head-on is important because you want to be able to take care of them in a way that helps you move forward. It's important to have a coping strategy for getting through the bad feelings of a traumatic event. A good coping strategy is finding somebody to talk with about your feelings. One example of a poor coping strategy would be turning to alcohol or drugs.
Having a positive coping strategy and learning something from the situation can help you recover from a traumatic event. So can seeking support from friends, family, or a support group.
Trauma takes away the joy and the pleasure of living. It’s extremely important to work on healing from it. Healing from trauma really means getting your life back. Trauma creates a series of disarrays in your body, your memory, your perception, your mood, your reactions, your personality, your presence, your sense of self, your purpose, and many other components of your brain, your temperament, your body, and your conscious/unconscious world. All those components need to be taken care of in order to heal.
Go to https://rebootrecovery.com/ and find a class in your area.
Having a positive coping strategy and learning something from the situation can help you recover from a traumatic event. So can seeking support from friends, family, or a support group.
Trauma takes away the joy and the pleasure of living. It’s extremely important to work on healing from it. Healing from trauma really means getting your life back. Trauma creates a series of disarrays in your body, your memory, your perception, your mood, your reactions, your personality, your presence, your sense of self, your purpose, and many other components of your brain, your temperament, your body, and your conscious/unconscious world. All those components need to be taken care of in order to heal.
Go to https://rebootrecovery.com/ and find a class in your area.